Dating: Sections Three and Four

Third, dating is a TWO sided relationship. Gary Shandling jokingly stated, “I'm dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it.” Now we all know someone who is, or has been, in a one sided relationship. I have found these relationships are harder on the friends of the individual who is being cheated then it is for the boy or girl that is putting his or her half in and getting nothing. I recently had a dear friend, we will call her Pam, whose best friend, whom we will call Cindy, was dating a guy that took and took and took from the relationship, but never gave anything back. Pam came to me for help on how to solve the situation and to see if I thought she was over reacting. I asked her about Cindy’s relationship and what about it made her, Pam, believe the things she did. After she finished I assured her I would help her, but asked for some time to see what I could find out on my own. Reluctantly she agreed and I approached Cindy about the problem. Cindy told me that she was okay, and that the boyfriend was a, “good guy who is just going through a hard time.” I asked her a series of questions and pried into her true feelings about the situation. I had a nice talk with Cindy (Her talking and me sitting there wondering what I had gotten myself in to) about how she felt that she didn’t deserve a guy that was better and how she hoped that if she gave it her all then he would also. The more we discussed the more I came to believe there was a small degree of mental abuse on the boyfriend’s part. I asked her to take a step back, after I left, and look at what she thought a real relationship was based on and to see if that is what she had. A couple of days later I got a call from Pam thanking me. She told me that Cindy and the idiot had broken it off and how relived she was to have her friend back. I didn’t tell you this story to prove that I am a good listener or that I should be awarded a medal for physiology. I told you this story so I could make this statement; most every time, if someone isn’t putting their fifty percent into the relationship it is because they think less of the individual they are dating and don’t see a point in putting in the effort on such a useless person. NEVER let anyone do that to you. If your boyfriend or girlfriend isn’t putting in their half of the work while dating then do you think they will if you got married and had kids. I submit no, they won’t. Save yourself the time and pain and find someone who will.
On a less serious, but still mentionable, note; if you like someone a lot then don’t stalk them to the point where you have come to believe that you are in a relationship with that individual when in reality you are just a wierdy. Just ask them out, if they say no then drop it and move on. Basic guideline: if you use your telescope for more then decorations or looking at the stars… you are a freak.
Fourth, dating is NOT complicated. I know that I am a quite simple and strait foreword individual, but it bugs me to hear people go off on how hard dating is. If you only date people with whom you like then how hard can it be? Let’s create a scenario and follow that. I am going to use me and Amy because we already joke around about being married (We are at 90 by the way dear because you have been gone forever). Now let’s say Amy and I have been on a couple dates and talk to each other often. I like her and she likes me (In reality she just puts up with me; which is rare). So Amy and I are on another date and I have decided I want to ask her to make our relationship “romantically exclusive” (see section one). I calmly bring it up with this simple sentence, “Amy, I like what we have here and I want you and me to be a couple and see where it goes.” She then has two choices, yes or no. She gives me her answer. If she says yes, then congratulations and don’t screw it up. If she says no then you say okay and continue on just like you always would. You can, and should, still be friends. Now how hard was that? Worry less about him or her saying no, worry more about you not saying anything at all. As a funny side note, I was considering saying this to Amy just to see how long it took her to laugh, I didn’t get the opportunity but I would place a bet in the one to three second window. Our society has made the word “no” seem so negative. Think about it though; would you rather know or not? I would rather know that someone didn’t like me romantically, BUT still have them as a friend, then to always wonder what would have happened.

Dating: Sections One and Two

I have wanted to write this note for a very long time and I believe now is the perfect time for me to do so. There are ten points I wish to make about dating. Tonight I will start with the first two and every night following I will address two more.

Dating is very difficult! If you think about it, you are in essence using dating as the very way of finding the man or women you will spend the rest of your life, and beyond, with. First let me give you an outline of what I am going to say, and then I will get into the ideas and explore.

I. What is dating?
II. Dating is a friendship first; a romance second.
III. Dating is a two sided relationship.
IV. Dating is not complicated.
V. Dating in college is NOT dating in high school.
VI. We are all scared about getting our hearts broken.
VII. “Opposites attract” and “similarities are important”: Which is it?
VIII. If you have to change yourself in order to date someone, someone isn’t right.
IX. Why am I still single?
X. A very short section on something I am still debating on if I should mention or not.

So here we go into my philosophies on dating:

First, what is dating? A date is a “social engagement” between a male and a female, or a group of individuals who each have a selected member of the opposing sex as their “date.” Dating is when a couple has decided that they are romantically exclusive. Now in my opinion a date should ALWAYS be between individuals who are interested in each other. If a guy or girl asks you on a date and you don’t find him or her attractive physically, emotionally or in any other “ly” word then SAY NO. I know that many of you will disagree with that last statement and I don’t really care, because as I said earlier dating is the method we use to find a spouse. Any other “social engagement” between two people of the opposite sex is simply two friends hanging out, and nothing more. I know this goes against everything some of you have been raised to believe. I hear all the time, “dates are just for fun.” That statement just blows my mind. You want to have fun; then grab a group of friends and go to a movie. I say this because chances are that in any given “date” one of the two parties wants more then a friendship.

Second, dating is a friendship first; a romance second. I think that statement explains itself, but I will expound anyway. Can you imagine living with a spouse that you didn’t consider your best friend? I assume most of you have had at one point in time a roommate that you didn’t get along with. Compare that to people you lived with who became your best friends. I don’t think this is a problem with most of the people I know, but it is still worth mentioning for those few who are dating someone because their boy or girlfriend is a good kisser or is just good looking.